WE'RE SO SORRY: WHY ROBOTS WON'T WIN

The notion that an apology has two parts is rooted in its art and science.

In its art, it’s all about delivery, the way someone says the two words … sincerely and with empathy.  [Psychologists often recommend offering a hug, a donation to a favorite charity, even the top ten reasons … to make the delivery more human, more real.] 

Its science has more to do with content than its flair, from ensuring that “I’m sorry” refers to the same situation to a promise not to do it again.

Those on the receiving side, believe it or not, treasure the response.  A 2009 study from the University of Nottingham School of Economics, offering complainers words or cash, found that almost 50 percent preferred the apology.  Over pure hard cash.

Yet, despite our knowledge that the more humane we get, the better, many businesses, groaning under the onslaught of customer complaints, turn to software as an answer.   In the past, companies did resort to an automatic responder who garbled the language in making amends for some mishap.  Airlines have been a prime culprit, er, user.  Fliers were often taken aback, insulted, and even felt minimized when the computer spit out a rote or form letter.  And they often voted with their credit cards.

Today, hundreds of customer care agents work for U.S. airlines and other merchants and service purveyors, trained well in how to say “I’m sorry” in real life. 

Proof that human “mea culpas” are best.

KINDERGARTEN ETIQUETTE: Play nice!

It could be a flipped finger, any digit.

Or a brusque response to a neutral comment.

Eating out and cellphone conversations, at the same time.

Even an online snippet that somehow can’t be recalled.

Many have called this incivility in America.  We prefer naming this, simply, bullying.  Because in any shape or form, in a variety of public forums, a sharp retort, interpreted a wrong way, can result in lost productivity, future bad behavior, employee turnover, and the very unfortunate downside of increased violence and suicide.

Research and academic institutes affirm this.  To no one’s surprise, an August 2013 survey of U.S. adults reveals that bullying experiences number more than two a day.  Half of respondents ended friendships; more than a quarter left their jobs. 

Apologies, usually, aren’t enough.  A number of employees are starting to instill and reward kinder, gentler actions.  NSA (we’re not kidding here) launched a program to increase cordiality, from registering compliments to recognizing those who show up early for meetings.  A Louisiana health system established the 10/5 rule:  Practice eye contact at ten feet; greet within five.  Boorish behavior has been banned from the folks who edit/work at Wikipedia; its code of conduct mandates that editors participate in the writing process in respectful and considerate ways.

What else is needed?  Role modeling, for sure (and that’s an activity that we should excel at, as communicators and marketers).  Two:  Promote and adopt the principle of least drama, solving an issue with the minimum of noise and hubbub. 

Lastly, admit it (we will, if you will):  Life was much simpler when we were taught to treat each other the way we wanted to be treated. 

THE RISE OF E-SELFISHNESS

The Japanese symbol for respectOnce upon a time (and not so very long ago either), the “reply to all” button in email was rarely if ever used.

A year or so ago, The Wall Street Journal chronicled the public humiliation of an agency copywriter who did just that – in a fit of pique and critique.  [No, that individual wasn’t relieved of his position but he did embark on a face-to-face apology tour ‘round the office.]

Perhaps that’s why well-crafted emails – in fact, any missive requiring a reply - no longer evoke a considered response from the receiver, within, say, a day or so.

If you the sender are (pick one or several):  1) unknown, 2) separated  from the receiver by more than six degrees, 3) asking for a favor,  and/or 4) simply keeping in touch, chances are greater than 50 percent that your correspondence will fall into a dead email office – or better  yet, be classified as spam.

We know all the standard answers: 

“I’m overloaded with email.” 

“There aren’t enough hours in every day.” 

“I only watch for specific names/addresses because I’m on deadline.”  [Please feel free to add your own.]

Those same e-laggards holler when their messages aren’t returned.  Grumbling and crankiness ensue; after all, how can they get their work done without the critical information?  There’s much fingerpointing and quoting of numbers like “83 percent of knowledge workers say that email’s critical to their success and productivity at work.”

Regardless of the reason for non-response, from email fatigue to a truly packed calendar, ways do exist to let people know what’s going on.  One’s called the automatic out-of office reply:  “Hey, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can; my monthly report was due a month ago.”  Or:  “If I don’t queue up my credit card charges in my expense report, I won’t be going anywhere.  Ever.  I’ll get back to you in two days.” 

[A more brilliant individual than ourselves declared e-bankruptcy, wiping himself out of the Web-verse in one act.]

Another is called the telephone.  You might be avoiding the world, but it just makes a whole lot of sense to change your voicemail indicating Xtreme busyness or to sneak in an apologetic response in the earliest of a.m.s.    Even other options, texting or Twittering, are far preferable to silence.  Dead.  Silence.

It’s all about communications, ensuring that your personal and professional brand transcends the pettiness of deadlines and annoyances and overload. That you use the right communications with the right speed at work and at play. 

And it’s all about courtesy, the cyber-decency to rsvp to no matter whom, no matter where.  Wonder how NASA’s Space Shuttle and Space Station astronauts handled their e-replies?